One last greeting from Uganda.
Sorry this didn’t come yesterday. The electricity is erratic here, and I was unable to get online. I wanted to share the last role play, as I believe it is instructive. Just a note on the role play. It involved a couple with two children, a boy and a girl. The family only had school fees (everyone must pay to enroll children), for one child, and the father insisted this be for the boy. The girl, in his mind, needed to be married off. This would solve two problems, he would not have to pay her fees, and he would also receive a bride price (usually a cow or two) in return, which would increase his wealth. He was a Christian man, but he goes out, and finds a Muslim man about his age with three wives, who agrees to marry his daughter. Problems solved! Interesting competing values.
The second role play of the day is the one I want to unpack a bit. It involves a pastor and his wife. The play opens with the wife trying to talk with her husband. A knock comes, and in comes a congregant begging him for school fees. He immediately gives these to the woman. His wife tries to continue the conversation. His cell phone rings and he tells her he must hurry off to an important meeting at church. The play continues, and boundaries continue to be violated in every imaginable way.
At the end of the play there is a heated discussion about the expectations on pastors here. I was told that the pastor, in order to establish legitimacy, must be totally available to congregants. This obviously reaches absurd proportions. In fact the spouse of the pastor is also conscripted into this frantic lifestyle. As a result, many ministers here are burning out from exhaustion and over work.
What followed in my class was a discussion about expectations – that ministers can never meet all of the expectations that are thrown at them. Nor should they. In fact, to attempt to meet these expectations, especially the more “childish” ones that involve healing all childhood wounds, is totally counter-productive to the person seeking the help. I stressed the need to NOT meet expectations, but recalibrate them.
I hope these visits from Uganda have proved provocative. Having a chance to live for a brief time in this culture is truly life-changing. I catch a plane tomorrow back to the states, so the next time I post, I should be safely back in Virginia.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Another word from Uganda.
I haven't said much about the country here. It is a country that has been ravaged by war, famine and poverty for decades. HIV/AIDS has claimed up to 6% of the population (that would be some 18 million people in the U.S.). People here struggle with disease, illiteracy, hunger, and fear. Fortunately, the government now is somewhat stable. I met with one of my former students today for lunch (who gave me an African robe as a present). He is beginning a new Child Rehab Program that will provide housing, psychosocial support, nurse training, peace building, conflict resolution and child advocacy.People have experienced conflict that we can only dream about in our wildest nightmares, conflicts that have absolutely devastated this country and people. In the midst of this it is amazing to find people that are a delight to know, with broad smiles and welcoming handshakes. But I know that underneath the welcoming demeanor is a life marked by profound suffering.
My students continue to produce the most elaborate role plays, with 4 to 5 acts, props and fine-tuned acting. They put Americns to shame in this regard. My students still present the struggles this culture faces with the seismic adaptive shifts that they face. I have about 5 pastors in my class of 25. They talk about the cases that come to them -- a man marries a first wife, then without telling her, he marries a second and moves her in with the first, expecting the first wife will say nothing about this arrangement. The pastor asks me what he should do about this (polygamy is still somewhat prevalent here). Another asks about pre-marital counseling, asking when it would be most helpful (before the bride price is paid, after the announcement to the parents, during the courtship period). It takes a great deal of effort for me to dissect the culture to understand the question fully.
Conflict here often turns violent, especially within the home. I haven't had occassion to talk about clashing clergy to this point, as my focus has been on marriage and the family. If I have a chance to delve into church conflict, I'll let you know. That's all for now.
Jim
I haven't said much about the country here. It is a country that has been ravaged by war, famine and poverty for decades. HIV/AIDS has claimed up to 6% of the population (that would be some 18 million people in the U.S.). People here struggle with disease, illiteracy, hunger, and fear. Fortunately, the government now is somewhat stable. I met with one of my former students today for lunch (who gave me an African robe as a present). He is beginning a new Child Rehab Program that will provide housing, psychosocial support, nurse training, peace building, conflict resolution and child advocacy.People have experienced conflict that we can only dream about in our wildest nightmares, conflicts that have absolutely devastated this country and people. In the midst of this it is amazing to find people that are a delight to know, with broad smiles and welcoming handshakes. But I know that underneath the welcoming demeanor is a life marked by profound suffering.
My students continue to produce the most elaborate role plays, with 4 to 5 acts, props and fine-tuned acting. They put Americns to shame in this regard. My students still present the struggles this culture faces with the seismic adaptive shifts that they face. I have about 5 pastors in my class of 25. They talk about the cases that come to them -- a man marries a first wife, then without telling her, he marries a second and moves her in with the first, expecting the first wife will say nothing about this arrangement. The pastor asks me what he should do about this (polygamy is still somewhat prevalent here). Another asks about pre-marital counseling, asking when it would be most helpful (before the bride price is paid, after the announcement to the parents, during the courtship period). It takes a great deal of effort for me to dissect the culture to understand the question fully.
Conflict here often turns violent, especially within the home. I haven't had occassion to talk about clashing clergy to this point, as my focus has been on marriage and the family. If I have a chance to delve into church conflict, I'll let you know. That's all for now.
Jim
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
As a follow-up to my first story, two other role-plays involved. The changing roles of men and women in this culture. This is the most profound adaptive issue that I have seen the Ugandans facing. This has been a very traditional society, with carefully prescribed gender roles. Women had the babies and tended to the house and garden. Men went off to work and did little to aid women in child rearing and household tasks. Now with the increasing influence of the West, these gender roles are collapsing. But there is great confusion as to what now should be the "proper" role of the man and the woman. And that is not just in the home, but everywhere.The role plays involve husbands attempting to order their wives around, and generally have their way in the home.
The wives balk at this and refuse to a greater or lesser extent to go along with the old rules. It is obvious that a culture that has been so clearly delineated truly struggles when the pressures of the outside world demand change. The university where I teach is going a long way in attempting to help the students understand and struggle with the adaptive implications of these profound changes. These students, upon graduation, have gone to churches, counseling centers, aids clinics, and court settings where they have been embraced. So it is very gratifying to me to be a part of this adaptive change, aiding these folks as they struggle with the adaptive implications of the momentous societal shifts. Must run to a meeting of faculty now, so will try to post other observations if possible.
Jim
The wives balk at this and refuse to a greater or lesser extent to go along with the old rules. It is obvious that a culture that has been so clearly delineated truly struggles when the pressures of the outside world demand change. The university where I teach is going a long way in attempting to help the students understand and struggle with the adaptive implications of these profound changes. These students, upon graduation, have gone to churches, counseling centers, aids clinics, and court settings where they have been embraced. So it is very gratifying to me to be a part of this adaptive change, aiding these folks as they struggle with the adaptive implications of the momentous societal shifts. Must run to a meeting of faculty now, so will try to post other observations if possible.
Jim
Greetings from Uganda.
I'm teaching a course here for graduate students in marriage and family counseling. To help cut down on the cultural differences, I have them do a great deal of role playing (which they enjoy). I thought I'd post one of the role plays, as it points of the universality of much of what we talk about. The role play was this:
Mark is a local pastor. He is married, but his wife is childless (which in their culture is a real bad thing). His mother and paternal aunt (who acts in this culture as a surrogate father when the true father is dead) yell at him that he must produce an heir, and continue the bloodline. They insist that this must be done no matter what the circumstances. In the second act of the
role play, Pastor Mark goes out and gets another woman pregnant. In the third act he has a tremendous fight with his wife, who is distraught. In the fourth act his mother and aunt re-enter and rejoice a the same time they scold Mark's wife (the daughter-in-law) for being so selfish. In the final act, the wife scolds Mark for turning against his Christian principles.
What was interesting to me about this story (apart from the boundary issues and intrusion of parents into the children's marriage) was the competing values this represents. Mark is caught by a web of competing values:
1. His Christian values (and as a pastor, he is a chief spokesman for these values)
2. His cultural-tribal values that are wedded to his ...
3. Family of origin values.
His Christian values direct him toward the exclusivity of his wife. And yet, because she is childless, his cultural values scream at him that he is to bear a child, no matter how this is accomplished. He states that his priority of values would be Christian values first, then all other values falling in line below these primary values. But when faced with the competing values, he chooses to trump Christian values with cultural/tribal values.
That's all for now from Uganda. If another intriguing role play appears, I'll post that for you.
Warmly,
Jim
I'm teaching a course here for graduate students in marriage and family counseling. To help cut down on the cultural differences, I have them do a great deal of role playing (which they enjoy). I thought I'd post one of the role plays, as it points of the universality of much of what we talk about. The role play was this:
Mark is a local pastor. He is married, but his wife is childless (which in their culture is a real bad thing). His mother and paternal aunt (who acts in this culture as a surrogate father when the true father is dead) yell at him that he must produce an heir, and continue the bloodline. They insist that this must be done no matter what the circumstances. In the second act of the
role play, Pastor Mark goes out and gets another woman pregnant. In the third act he has a tremendous fight with his wife, who is distraught. In the fourth act his mother and aunt re-enter and rejoice a the same time they scold Mark's wife (the daughter-in-law) for being so selfish. In the final act, the wife scolds Mark for turning against his Christian principles.
What was interesting to me about this story (apart from the boundary issues and intrusion of parents into the children's marriage) was the competing values this represents. Mark is caught by a web of competing values:
1. His Christian values (and as a pastor, he is a chief spokesman for these values)
2. His cultural-tribal values that are wedded to his ...
3. Family of origin values.
His Christian values direct him toward the exclusivity of his wife. And yet, because she is childless, his cultural values scream at him that he is to bear a child, no matter how this is accomplished. He states that his priority of values would be Christian values first, then all other values falling in line below these primary values. But when faced with the competing values, he chooses to trump Christian values with cultural/tribal values.
That's all for now from Uganda. If another intriguing role play appears, I'll post that for you.
Warmly,
Jim
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Actors United… and in Partnership?
By way of introduction: I have been a full-time minister at a mid-size to large church, St. Peter’s, for four years.
While on a recent sabbatical, I left a co-worker, another of our church’s ministers, in charge of much of what I oversee (some things were put on hold for a short time for me to resume upon returning). One of my roles has been overseeing what groups meet in the church during the week. One group in particular, Actors United, a local theater group, has been using the church for many years, long before my arrival. They are well-respected among the congregation, even though their connection to the church lies primarily just in their being space users (though several actors do attend St. Peter’s).
Since I’ve been at St. Peter’s, the various presidents of Actors United (AU) have been in touch with me to explore ways they can “partner” with us and be considered not just “space users” but an actual “ministry of” St. Peter’s. In fact, they are a Christian acting troupe—their mission statement explicitly says so.
I’ve been reluctant to expand the scope of our relationship with them, but am having trouble putting my finger on exactly why. In the couple of meetings I’ve had with their reps, they’ve asked for things like making live announcements in church to promote upcoming plays, recruiting church members to their troupe, putting more permanent fixtures (such as a stage) in our space, and the like. I haven’t been able to accommodate all they have asked for, but I’ve tried to do enough so that they feel like they are more included in the life of the church. As to full “partnership” and fully integrating them as a top-down endorsed ministry of the church, I have avoided the issue and have dealt more with case-by-case requests as they come. And I have a sense that they still want more and a conversation could be helpful. I’m just not sure how to do that.
So one set of pre-existing questions that I’ve basically been ignoring and procrastinating has been: What should I do in response to their requests for a greater partnership with and integration into our church life? How can I go about exploring my reluctance and understanding what issues are at hand? By what criteria (if any) should I determine how to move ahead?
Now add this to the mix: during my sabbatical my stand-in had to be in contact with Actors United because of some props that were left out after a recent production. AU is not the sole user of the space they use, so it posed a problem for groups coming into that space after them. Initially AU was responsive and apologetic about their mess, but it happened again, several times. Finally, in a moment of desperation, my stand-in told them that should the messiness continue, he would remove their name from the list of folks who are authorized to use the space and discontinue our relationship with them.
In response, AU’s president reiterated the good standing they’ve enjoyed at St. Peter’s for many years, the importance of their own ministry, and how they feel they are truly a ministry of the church (not just a space renter). He said, “We are not just space renters that you can ask to leave so dismissively. Maybe we should get together to talk more about our working together in ministry.”
All of this dialogue took place over email.
What had begun as a simple request to keep things clean and tidy escalated into a frustration, a conflict, and now a conversation to be had about “partnership” in ministry.
I learned about all of this on my return from sabbatical. So now the question has been raised again: What should I do in response to AU’s requests for a greater partnership with and integration into our church life?
Now I am also asking: How ought I to work together with my stand-in to do any relational cleanup that is necessary after a somewhat heated email escalation?
And where should I start in all this?
By way of introduction: I have been a full-time minister at a mid-size to large church, St. Peter’s, for four years.
While on a recent sabbatical, I left a co-worker, another of our church’s ministers, in charge of much of what I oversee (some things were put on hold for a short time for me to resume upon returning). One of my roles has been overseeing what groups meet in the church during the week. One group in particular, Actors United, a local theater group, has been using the church for many years, long before my arrival. They are well-respected among the congregation, even though their connection to the church lies primarily just in their being space users (though several actors do attend St. Peter’s).
Since I’ve been at St. Peter’s, the various presidents of Actors United (AU) have been in touch with me to explore ways they can “partner” with us and be considered not just “space users” but an actual “ministry of” St. Peter’s. In fact, they are a Christian acting troupe—their mission statement explicitly says so.
I’ve been reluctant to expand the scope of our relationship with them, but am having trouble putting my finger on exactly why. In the couple of meetings I’ve had with their reps, they’ve asked for things like making live announcements in church to promote upcoming plays, recruiting church members to their troupe, putting more permanent fixtures (such as a stage) in our space, and the like. I haven’t been able to accommodate all they have asked for, but I’ve tried to do enough so that they feel like they are more included in the life of the church. As to full “partnership” and fully integrating them as a top-down endorsed ministry of the church, I have avoided the issue and have dealt more with case-by-case requests as they come. And I have a sense that they still want more and a conversation could be helpful. I’m just not sure how to do that.
So one set of pre-existing questions that I’ve basically been ignoring and procrastinating has been: What should I do in response to their requests for a greater partnership with and integration into our church life? How can I go about exploring my reluctance and understanding what issues are at hand? By what criteria (if any) should I determine how to move ahead?
Now add this to the mix: during my sabbatical my stand-in had to be in contact with Actors United because of some props that were left out after a recent production. AU is not the sole user of the space they use, so it posed a problem for groups coming into that space after them. Initially AU was responsive and apologetic about their mess, but it happened again, several times. Finally, in a moment of desperation, my stand-in told them that should the messiness continue, he would remove their name from the list of folks who are authorized to use the space and discontinue our relationship with them.
In response, AU’s president reiterated the good standing they’ve enjoyed at St. Peter’s for many years, the importance of their own ministry, and how they feel they are truly a ministry of the church (not just a space renter). He said, “We are not just space renters that you can ask to leave so dismissively. Maybe we should get together to talk more about our working together in ministry.”
All of this dialogue took place over email.
What had begun as a simple request to keep things clean and tidy escalated into a frustration, a conflict, and now a conversation to be had about “partnership” in ministry.
I learned about all of this on my return from sabbatical. So now the question has been raised again: What should I do in response to AU’s requests for a greater partnership with and integration into our church life?
Now I am also asking: How ought I to work together with my stand-in to do any relational cleanup that is necessary after a somewhat heated email escalation?
And where should I start in all this?
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